12/12/2004

six feet below sad

Day 1; Day 2; Day 3

Day 4

I just learned my Granpa is dead. It turns out he actually died several weeks ago, but nobody thought I would need to know. Why!?

I don't mean why did he die—he was 95 or something, according to Mom. I mean why didn't they think I would want to know. He was my Dad's dad, and we don't speak to them any more says Mom. For one thing she says, he was an ornery old man who kept her from being happy with Dad. For another, he didn't leave us anything.

I can't find the words to say how angry I am at her and Dad. Didn't leave us anything? HE LEFT ME ALONE!

Mom never knew, I guess, that I used to call Granpa every year just before Christmas. I was trying to call Dad, the first year, but Granpa answered the phone. I don't even remember what we said, but we talked for almost half an hour. At the end of the call he said, don't every forget I love you Born. You're my granddaughter.

Sometimes I would have a bad day at school, or an argument with Mom, and I would think, Granpa loves me. I'm part of his family. It made me happy.

I wish I had met him in person. I could have told him that before he died.

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